They say that the pain of a lost loved one comes in waves. "They" couldn't be more correct! One day you'll find yourself on an emotional high, as you think that you'll be getting away from all the pain and finally be over it all. Then the next day it will all come crashing down and you will find yourself at rock bottom again. The best way I can describe it is your climbing a snowy hill and just before your about to reach the top,you slide right back down again. Each day still gets better than the last and you get a little bit stronger with each passing day but its not easy.
Each day brings new difficulties and new memories of what I once had, I wonder what Christmas would have been like with her? What Christmas surprise would she have come up with to put a big smile on my face and what would I have done for her? It makes me say "God you have brought me to my knees, I am trembling before you at the loss of the only person that I have ever deeply loved. I am surrendering to you, do with me what you will."
Two days ago I had one of the worst days so far. The pain seemed as though it might eat me alive. I still cannot imagine who God has planned for me, whoever it is she has to be one extraordinary person to replace the one I lost. Even though I feel like I will never find another like Leah, I have to believe that God will not abandon me,and right now he is working in my life. Matthew 6:33 says, "But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." As long as we seek him first he will give us the desires of our hearts. I do not feel like I will ever find someone that will give me the same love or more love than Leah did. But I do trust God and I know that he WILL bring someone that is perfect for me.
Just remember this Christmas season to
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