Thursday, January 6, 2011

Doubt and Discouragement

Happy New Year!! Its now 2011 and so begins another new year. This also means that it has been over three months since Leahs accident and that brings new feelings and thoughts. Since Leahs accident I have been bombarded with fake people, lies, and empty promises of people who say they are sorry but really don't mean it. People will walk up to me and say "I know how you feel, Leah was one of my good friends, we will get through this together." I have a news flash for YOU people, just because you sat next to her at lunch and asked her to pass the salt, doesn't entitle you to label yourself as one of her "good friends". So don't try and tell me that you know where I'm coming from, YOU DON'T KNOW!
    I also hear lies, from people I would never expect to hear lies from. Lies of people talking about how much they impacted Leahs life and how good of a relationship they had. When the only time they may have talk to Leah, was when they wanted to borrow something or they needed something from her. I see all the facebook posts and I hear the fake stories of people who claim they new Leah better than anyone else! This makes me want to look those people in the eyes and say "If you only new, if you only new what she actually thought of you. If you only new how much she disliked you and what kinds names she referred to you as. You claim to know her but you have no idea who she really is." I don't say this, even though I want to so badly! But lately I have been wondering what if? What if the Leah I knew wasn't the real Leah? What if everything I knew about her was fake? Did I really know who she was? Is everyone else right and am I wrong? The short seven months I knew her, she told me everything all her secrets, her fears, her desires. Was she pulling the wool over my eyes that whole time? Did I really know her?
       Way back in the beginning of time in the garden of Eden. God told Adam and Eve that they could eat from any tree in the garden, except one. We all know the story, Satan convinced Eve that it was OK to eat from the tree that God forbade her not to eat from. In turn she convinced Adam to also eat from the tree. How was this possible? Why would Eve deliberately eat from a tree that God specifically told her not to eat from? Because of deceit. Satan is also referred to as the deceiver. He can fill us so full of doubt and deceit that it can be hard for us to discern right from wrong. No wonder God tells us in Hebrews 3:13 "But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called today, so that non of you may be hardened by sins deceitfulness." Satan can make us feel discouraged and doubtful and make us question ourselves and second guess what we really believe. I have felt so discouraged lately and I have been questioning if the girl I knew was really the girl I knew? I know now that she was and still is. So don't ever forget to give an encouraging word to someone because you never know what it might mean to them.

1 comment:

  1. i think the same shit when i look at her page. i havent talked to leah in YEARS. so i know i dont even know who she was at this point in her life. i only remember the corky lil girl chasing bugs and playing in the sand. (she was so cute back then.. she followed me n nomi everywhere!) 7 months is very short time to be with someone.. esp when u believe u will be with them forever. i dont even know what u are truly going through.. but i do know that u are on a good path. keep believing and trusting in God. he is the only one who can truly help u through this. happy new year hun. <3 destiny