There is power in prayer

Most of us underestimate the power of sincere, consistent, prayer. Its such a powerful thing! However we mostly only pray when we are in trouble and use prayer as a last resort when really it should be our first! This past week I haven't been feeling all that well. I keep feeling as like I'm spinning my wheels and going nowhere? I wonder if I will ever stop feeling this pain? But I have been continually praying everyday for everything and anything no matter how big or small. I believe that's how God wants us to pray He wants to know everything we are struggling with. God wants us to come to him with everything, not just the big stuff. So everyday I pray for everything I can think of. Everything from thanking God for another day to serve him to asking him to take away the pain and misery I feel. I pray for my future spouse that where ever she is, whatever she is doing that He is raising her to be a Godly young woman, but most importantly I pray that God will make his plan known to me and allow me to accomplish His will. On Thursday of this past week I got out of my JCC classes and I decided to hang out in Jackson until my college group at my church that evening. I wasn't feeling well and I really didn't want to go to college group, but my friend Annie convinced me to come anyway. So I did and I was glad I did, I had a good time learning about God and being with friends. But on my way home I stopped at a speedway to get gas. I was stressed over this because I really didn't have the money to spend on gas. Then I thought "if I just trust God He will provide!" Right then I prayed and asked God to help me have more faith in him and to trust him in all things. Then I asked him to use me for his will in whatever way he wants to. Not 10 seconds later as I was walking into the speedway a young woman stopped me and told me she had ran out of gas on the entrance ramp and asked me if I could take her to her car? I said yes and we proceeded to drive to her car.On the drive there we made small talk and she asked me what I was doing in Jackson? I told her I had just got out of college group at my church. She asked what church I went to and I said Grace baptist. She said she had been there before and it was a good church. Before I knew it she started pouring our her heart and told me how she has strayed away from God and how she really wanted to feel him again. I was AMAZED! I had just asked God to use me and he did! She said she grew up in church and was a christian but lately found herself not serving the Lord at all. I told this girl my testimony and invited her to college group and she said she would come! We got to her car and I put her gas in for her and she drove away. I was dumbfounded the whole way home. It was one of the biggest God moments of my life! I had asked God to use me and he did when I least expected it. This is proof that when your heart is open to God and his plan he WILL use you for his ultimate purpose!  James 5:16-18

¹⁶ Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.
 ¹⁷ Elijah was a human being, even as we are. He prayed earnestly that it would not rain, and it did not rain on the land for three and a half years. ¹⁸ Again he prayed, and the heavens gave rain, and the earth produced its crops.
Prayer is powerful and effective so pray earnestly and often!

Doubt and Discouragement

Happy New Year!! Its now 2011 and so begins another new year. This also means that it has been over three months since Leahs accident and that brings new feelings and thoughts. Since Leahs accident I have been bombarded with fake people, lies, and empty promises of people who say they are sorry but really don't mean it. People will walk up to me and say "I know how you feel, Leah was one of my good friends, we will get through this together." I have a news flash for YOU people, just because you sat next to her at lunch and asked her to pass the salt, doesn't entitle you to label yourself as one of her "good friends". So don't try and tell me that you know where I'm coming from, YOU DON'T KNOW!
    I also hear lies, from people I would never expect to hear lies from. Lies of people talking about how much they impacted Leahs life and how good of a relationship they had. When the only time they may have talk to Leah, was when they wanted to borrow something or they needed something from her. I see all the facebook posts and I hear the fake stories of people who claim they new Leah better than anyone else! This makes me want to look those people in the eyes and say "If you only new, if you only new what she actually thought of you. If you only new how much she disliked you and what kinds names she referred to you as. You claim to know her but you have no idea who she really is." I don't say this, even though I want to so badly! But lately I have been wondering what if? What if the Leah I knew wasn't the real Leah? What if everything I knew about her was fake? Did I really know who she was? Is everyone else right and am I wrong? The short seven months I knew her, she told me everything all her secrets, her fears, her desires. Was she pulling the wool over my eyes that whole time? Did I really know her?
       Way back in the beginning of time in the garden of Eden. God told Adam and Eve that they could eat from any tree in the garden, except one. We all know the story, Satan convinced Eve that it was OK to eat from the tree that God forbade her not to eat from. In turn she convinced Adam to also eat from the tree. How was this possible? Why would Eve deliberately eat from a tree that God specifically told her not to eat from? Because of deceit. Satan is also referred to as the deceiver. He can fill us so full of doubt and deceit that it can be hard for us to discern right from wrong. No wonder God tells us in Hebrews 3:13 "But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called today, so that non of you may be hardened by sins deceitfulness." Satan can make us feel discouraged and doubtful and make us question ourselves and second guess what we really believe. I have felt so discouraged lately and I have been questioning if the girl I knew was really the girl I knew? I know now that she was and still is. So don't ever forget to give an encouraging word to someone because you never know what it might mean to them.

Not the greatest Christmas

Today I woke up to my brother telling me it was time to open presents. He had been up since 5, I think, and it was about 9 when I woke up. I went down stairs and in typical Hart family fashion we all proceeded to open up our gifts to each other one by one. I didn't ask for anything, in fact I told my mom I did not want anything because I have enough stuff. I mean its all just stuff anyway, we cant take it with us when we die and nothing on this earth can compare to what we will have in Heaven. However I did get some clothes and a GPS but probably the best gift I got was from my brother. It was a picture of Leah and I on prom night, this past year. I hadn't expected it at all, it was a really great gift.
      I really had not been looking forward to Christmas this year, it didn't seem like anything I could get would replace what I lost. The one thing that I desperately wanted was the only thing I couldn't have. I never got to spend a Christmas with Leah but still thoughts of what It would have been like filled my head. I know that whatever she got me I would have loved and that seeing my eyes light up by her gift would bring her shear joy! I also wondered what would I have given her or what plan would I have concocted to see that beautiful smile spread across her face? I didn't think today, even though she is gone, would be that hard. However it was one of the most difficult days yet! I was so down most of the day and I didn't want to do anything. I didn't feel the joy of Christmas that everyone else felt today. But it didn't seem like today should be this hard because nothing had changed? Christmas traditions still were as they usually are and Leah not being here didn't change a thing! But yet I was so sad all day.
            Lately, I have been so angry for no reason at all. I think its a part of the grieving process? No one has done anything to make me mad and there is no way to justify it, I have just been SO angry! This brings new thoughts and new questions that fill my head. Questions like, "Why hasn't his plan been carried out yet?" "Why cant I see him working, what plans is he setting into motion?" "Why cant he just reveal everything that is supposed to happen right now?" Questions like these are constantly on my mind. I have accepted that Leah is in Heaven and that she is a real person there, she is still living. However if Leah isn't the one I am supposed to marry then who is?! Where is my spouse and shouldn't she be here with me helping me through all this???!!!!!! It just doesn't seem fair! God has her all picked out for me, why cant her bring her to me now? I need her, I have no one like that to help me through this and she is supposed to be here for me when things like this happen! I look around at everyone who is grieving and see that they all have what I lost. Don't get me wrong I know that they are also in just as much pain as I am. But still the person that you are supposed to be able to turn to in times like this, is there for them. There go-to guy or girl didn't just die, mine did! How is that fair??!! I know this is selfish of me, but I want my spouse to be here for me now! This has been teaching me a huge lesson, that I have to trust the Lord and be content in him. I have been praying everyday, that his will be done in my life. But also that he would be preparing my wife and keeping her on a Godly path no matter where she might be. I don't even know who this girl is and I worry about her day and night. Is she OK? What is she doing? Is she making the right decisions? I know that God will bring her along when his perfect timing allows, I just wish it was sooner.

Some people..

Have you ever wondered what Heaven will be like or what people in Heaven know about people on earth? I do all the time!! One of the biggest questions I have had is can Leah in Heaven, see me on earth? I have come to the conclusion that no she cannot because of what the bible teaches in Revelation 21:4 which says " He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the older of these things has passed away." Now in Heaven we have emotion, we are not, contrary to popular believe, a bunch of mindless idiots that when God brings us into Heaven he takes away all of our emotions accept happiness. We still have all of our emotions, but I believe we do not have any need for emotions such as sadness and fear. So this leads me to wonder, if Leah could see the pain and sadness that I am in right now, would she be happy? Could she look down, see my tears falling and still smile? No I do not think so. That is what I believe. However not everyone sees it like I do, especially non-believers. I find the most common annoyance is to look and see posts of Leahs facebook about people asking for Leah to watch over them and for her to be their guardian angel. I see posts of people basically praying to Leah and asking for her guidance, which Deuteronomy 11:18 clearly forbids. Also I find people believing that Leah is still around like a wandering spirit, which 2 Corinthians 5:8 also disproves. It drives me nuts sometimes and I just want to tell these people to wake up!!! Like I told my mother the other day "Some of these posts irritate me soo much, how come they are so ignorant?" To which she replied, "But J.W. aren't those the people who need are help the most?" Yup, of course she was right again. But it stopped and made me think, even though some of those people really get on my nerves, God calls us to make disciples of all nations we cannot just pick and choose. Even though I may not like some of the people I meet, God still loves them unconditionally and it our job as Christians to tell them about his grace, compassion and mercy.

It comes in waves...

They say that the pain of a lost loved one comes in waves. "They" couldn't be more correct! One day you'll find yourself on an emotional high, as you think that you'll be getting away from all the pain and finally be over it all. Then the next day it will all come crashing down and you will find yourself at rock bottom again. The best way I can describe it is your climbing a snowy hill and just before your about to reach the top,you slide right back down again. Each day still gets better than the last and you get a little bit stronger with each passing day but its not easy.

Each day brings new difficulties and new memories of what I once had, I wonder what Christmas would have been like with her? What Christmas surprise would she have come up with to put a big smile on my face and what would I have done for her? It makes me say "God you have brought me to my knees, I am trembling before you at the loss of the only person that I have ever deeply loved. I am surrendering to you, do with me what you will."

Two days ago I had one of the worst days so far. The pain seemed as though it might eat me alive. I still cannot imagine who God has planned for me, whoever it is she has to be one extraordinary person to replace the one I lost. Even though I feel like I will never find another like Leah, I have to believe that God will not abandon me,and right now he is working in my life. Matthew 6:33 says, "But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." As long as we seek him first he will give us the desires of our hearts. I do not feel like I will ever find someone that will give me the same love or more love than Leah did. But I do trust God and I know that he WILL bring someone that is perfect for me.

Just remember this Christmas season to

How does God get through to narrow minded people?

Tonight in psychology, I was a reading a book called Radical by David Platt(very good read), while we had a break. The girl sitting next to me asked what I was reading, I showed here the book and explained that it was a christian book. Almost as soon as I said the word Christian she shut down. She asked if I was a christian and when I said yes she attacked me like I had just killed her puppy or something? She said "how can you believe in a God that sends people to hell? What kind of all loving and merciful God would do that?" When I tried to explain the how and why of God she wouldn't listen. Not only would she not listen but she would not let me speak. She just continued to mock God and tell me how stupid I was for believing in him. She asked difficult questions like "where was God when my dad was lying on his death bed, taking his final breaths?" However when I tried to answer them, she wouldn't let me talk. I wondered "God, how am I supposed to lead her to you if she wont even listen to me?" At the end of class I gave her my email address and told her to email me with any questions she might have. She didn't throw it away, so I hope she does email me. I believe that moments like this just don't happen but that they are ordained by God. I know I planted a seed tonight and I don't know how this all works towards Gods plan for her life. But I know that I have to trust him and just do what he says and he will make my path straight.

God is great!

Ever since Leahs accident, I have been praying to God that he would open up an opportunity for me to talk to her family about Christ. Lately I have felt God calling me to go and try and witness to them, but I had no idea how? I knew that Leahs family would not be to open to what I had to say about Christ because of what had happened to Leah. However last night I found myself talking to Leahs sister, Nomi, about how I know Leah is in heaven and how Nomi can be sure she will go to heaven too. Nomi was not extremely open to what I was talking about but she did admit that her and her husband Sadan had questions, so I invited her to church. When she said that she didn't have the money to drive to church I offered to pick her up, she didn't want me to have to go to that all that trouble. I thought God, how am I supposed to witness to Leahs family if I cant get them to open up to me? The next thing Nomi said was, "How about we get together to have Bible discussions?" My immediate reaction was, YES!!!! I was so excited that Nomi had said that and I knew that it was nothing short of a God thing! God calls us to be disciples of all nations, to make his word known to everyone. Sometimes Its seems as though this is impossible, but this proves that the Lord will guide you! Just be faithful and pray faithfully, he will light your way.
Proverbs 3:5-6. " Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding. In all ways acknowledge him and he will make you paths straight."